I didn’t expect that today could make me learnt a lot.

So it was started when I found one of my students remained silent during my lesson yet in the fact he is usually the talkative one. I didn’t say something to him start from first tho I knew he acted differently. Then I asked him eventually, just to make sure that he’s okay, and apparently I figured out that I’m the one who’s responsible for his silence.

Wait what? What did I do?

The bell rang, so I couldn’t make the conversation longer. But I tried to find out the reasons and one of my students told me that he told him that I said something that made him feel bad. I had no a clear memory about this, I probably said that, but I’m pretty sure I only threw a joke, didn’t predict that he would take that seriously. Whatever it was, it made feel bad about him so I have to say sorry.

The next day when I met him in my class, I waited the moment where I can continue our previous conversation and…

It went pretty bad.

He didn’t want to look at my eyes and turned his back on me. I never experience this sort of thing during my teaching life so I was pretty shocked and tried not to give up to talk to him just to know which part that I need to fix. Eventually I didn’t make it. I’m not sure that I really wanted to cry or not but the saddest part was when I looked into his eyes, I could feel that he really wants to get everything back to normal, like we used to, but every response that came out was the opposite. I checked my students’ tasks early so I could leave a note in his notebook:

It takes a strong person to say sorry and even stronger person to forgive.

I went back to my room and forced myself to sleep under my floral tick duvet where I do feel save here, hope that I could forget about what happened. Then when I opened my eyes, someone knocked the door, called my name, and gave me something. I was surprised, he sent me a letter to say sorry and something to eat. After that, I wrote something to him, he might not know that I didn’t just reply his letter, I tried to reflect myself and wrote something that I will keep in my mind all the time:

Thank you so much for the steamed cassava, can’t believe you’re such a good cook!

Do you know something that makes me scared of being a teacher? One of the reasons is because I’m afraid that I can’t be someone who is my students will look up to for my imperfection as a human. But I guess this can be an art of being a teacher, which is this role can encourage myself to be a better one in many ways.

In every first meeting in my class, I always ask my students to be my learning partner because I know I will learn a lot from you guys. I barely want to label myself as the one who is always right just because I’m a teacher. I let my students criticise me, correct me,remind me, and I’m sure I’ll be happy about that. 

Yesterday I went to my room after school and slept soundly. When I woke up, someone knocked my door and gave me something. Whatever it was, I’m glad that we’re friends again 🙂

sincerely yours,
Usth. Suci

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